I am tired of being a virgin

I AM TIRED OF BEING A VIRGIN – A Chat With Grace

 

Whaaat?

 

Two eyes stared back at me as soon as the words left my mouth. Despite the uncomfortable air hanging in the sitting room of the duplex shared by me, my sibling and my parents, I can’t but admire the courage and love in the brown skin lady sitting right in front of me.

 

My heart goes out to the woman that has given me the opportunity to call her “my mummy”.

 

I will be forever grateful to God for making me come out from her.

 

“What do you mean by that, Gracie? And what has gotten into you that made you lose your manners?”.

 

I dropped the suitcase containing a few clothes, my laptop and other notes. I had brought home from school for the long holiday at home.

 

“Good afternoon Mom. I am sorry too. It’s just that I have been thinking maybe I no longer want to keep my virginity. I am tired of being a virgin.” She passed the tray containing a cup of tea and sandwiches to me as I took my seat in front of her.

 

“So tell me, what is eating you up?”

 

To say my mom knows me so much is an understatement. She can read my face clearly to know that something is disturbing me.

 

“You won’t believe that my friends laughed at me when I blurted out during a discussion that I am still a virgin and I don’t intend losing it to just any man.”

 

“And what did they say afterwards?”

 

“Oh, you are alone in this o

 

What are you waiting for? Everyone else is doing it. Don’t you want to have a taste of it before one mister puts you in his house.

 

Besides how will you know how to and what to do on your wedding night when you’ve not done it before? Your husband will be very disappointed to find out you are a novice. Do you expect him to be teaching you when you are supposed to show your professionalism?

 

Bla bla la. The one that even got to me was what Lade said. She said that her boyfriend already told her that in their house, any lady to be a wife must first get pregnant. If she doesn’t get pregnant, there will be no wedding. She, then, went ahead to give examples of couples who were unable to conceive in their early years of marriage.

 

I even tried to make them understand that such tradition is wrong and should be ignored, but they all laughed at me.”

 

“Hmn… I see. I guess the reason why you no longer want to be a virgin is so that you can belong abi. You don’t want to feel odd right?

 

“Yes mommy. Also, on my way home today, I thought about it and a lot began to fall into place.

 

You remember I told you about Debo. He broke off our relationship because I insisted on not having sex until marriage.”

 

Debo had insisted that I come to his house. When I told him I can’t do that, he sent me a break-up message later that night. He couldn’t even say it to my face. He broke up through a text message.

 

…Dear Grace, I never knew you to be so stubborn. Well, I was only after your body. I mean, you’ve got great shape and curves. But since you are insisting on going the old fashion way, I want us to go our separate ways. I hope for you to get your own man. Don’t call me again.

 

“Mummy, I will never forget the incident with Cole. I had thought Cole would be different, but he proved me wrong. He has gone to bed with almost every female in the choir. I remember he told the reason Sis. Caroline get to lead many of the songs is because she is his favorite and she knows how to give different styles,

 

Mom, don’t you think I’m different? Am I not weird with the sexual purity stuff?”

 

Having finished eating her, she took her time to answer me.

 

 “Gracie, all those things your friends said to you about being alone in this, everyone is doing it, you need to do it to belong and treat your husband nicely and whatever else they might have said to you – they are all lies from the pit of hell.” Mom said.

 

Lies! Who lied to us then? How can everybody believe it if it is a lie. My mother’s voice stopped my wandering thoughts. Trust her to read her thoughts.

 

She went further to say, “This world is a mess already. But with God on our side, we do not have to be a mess as the world would have it.

 

The standards of God haven’t changed. His words to us are still the same and will always be relevant in our generation and generations to come if Jesus tarries.

 

Your body is not to be used for sexual immorality. Instead use your bodies for God’s glory. Have you noticed in the Bible that the word “Virgins” was used for the unmarried? As an unmarried person, you are expected to still be sexually pure.

 

But,

 

The giant of this generation and our world is sexual immorality. Sexual immorality has eaten deep into the world such that it is now abnormal to be a virgin.

 

It is sad to say that we live in a world where every normal is now taken as abnormal and everything to be considered as abnormal is now tagged “normal”.

 

Do not listen to the lies of the devil as he is interested in the destruction of your soul. The devil knows that sexual purity starts from the mind and that is why he is roaring about tampering with the minds of many if given the opportunity.

 

Remember, your mind is a battlefield. As Jesus is waiting for you to open the door of your heart to Him, so also is the enemy looking for ways to have control of your heart with full force.

 

So my dear daughter,

 

Trust me! You are not alone. There are many other females and even males like you wondering if they are weird.

 

You are not weird!

 

Just because everyone is doing it doesn’t mean you should do it.

 

And do not forget, as you keep yourself pure remember to guard your heart with all diligence.”

 

My heart and body was immediately lifted. The standards of God have not changed. I went straight into the open arms of my mom.

 

“Oh mom. I will forever be grateful to God for the gift of you. What would I have done without you putting me on the right track.

 

I love you mum” Muahhhhhh

 

***

 

The words of my mother on that fateful day saved me and prevented me from sinning against my body and God. That day while coming home, I had already planned with my friends to follow them to a birthday party where Debo is a friend to the host. The plan was to beg him and prove to him that I love him by giving him the honour of deflowering me.

 

I give glory to God that my mum said those words to me.

 

As I write this to you, I am happily married with two kids to the love of my life. Two of those my friends ended up in an enduring marriage. They got pregnant and the babies refused to be aborted. So they had no choice than to keep the baby and marry the father of their child not minding being a second wife. Lade’s boyfriend jilted her after sleeping with her. It taught her a lesson that sex cannot keep a man.

 

If you still have it, please guard it like you would guard your treasures against thieves.

 

And if you’ve lost in one way or the other, that hasn’t changed the love of God towards you. His love for us is an unconditional love. Decide in your heart to stay sexually pure henceforth.

 

Remember what 1 Thessalonians 4 verse 3 says:

 

“God wants you to be holy and completely free from sexual immorality”

 

I need to go now. My baby boy, Samuel is crying.

 

A short story by MAry Talabi
Have you read ‘A Short Story’?

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